Comments for Ask the Smartass

Comment on Convertibles: Top down, windows up? WHY?? by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:49:29 +0000

My crusade continues. I still see idiots with their tops down and windows up. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? I always keep a baseball cap in my convertible. And no one is allowed to raise a window when they’re riding with me.

Comment on Random Thoughts by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:47:27 +0000

Apparently I’m the only one with random thoughts. In fact, I see that I’m talking to myself way too much here on this blog.

Anyway. I think that there should be giant Habitrails for humans. But there have to be escape hatches about every three feet to accommodate my claustrophobia.

And adult parties should include jumping castles. I’ve never actually jumped in one, and I really want to.

Funnel cakes should not be counted as having calories. They should be freebies. Eat as many as you want and not gain an ounce. This should be LAW.

Comment on Exercise: Do we need it? by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:39:28 +0000

Yeah. Well. You know.

Comment on My Girl Scout Thin Mint cookie diet by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:38:20 +0000

Yeah, well that isn’t working anymore. Someone told me that “exercise” is key. Well, UGH to that idea. EXERCISE??? Just the word makes my stomach feel a little upset.

Comment on Running loose by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:35:12 +0000

Well, now that I don’t have kids running loose in McDonald’s anymore, I find that the drive-thru window is my best solution. Word to the wise: Don’t go inside unless you have to (or have kids to release). And be careful of that room full of balls, if there is one. Rumor has it that tainted syringes have been found in there.

Oh, and if you do use the drive-thru and ask for a special order (like no horrible sauce on your Quarter-Pounder), CHECK THAT FOOD BEFORE YOU DRIVE AWAY. 8 out of 10 times they will have it wrong.

Comment on French fries are dessert by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:30:20 +0000

I’m not sure, but I think those same kids do eat French fries in the wrong order these days. What can I do. They’ve been old enough to vote for awhile now.

Comment on Potty training by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:28:42 +0000

I’m happy to report that the child who was not potty-trained following my advice is, now, potty-trained. Of course this child is in junior high now. It took a while.

Comment on Kids, kids, kids by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:26:47 +0000

Okay, since nobody asked, I’ll tell you anyway. Kids should be raised with CHOICES. Don’t automatically say “no” to whatever they ask you for. If there’s a chance in the world that they might possibly talk you out of that “no,” then DO NOT SAY “NO.” Because if that no turns into a yes, you’ve lost all credibility.

Of course if all your “no” answers remain “no,” then you probably should not be a parent. Kids need to hear “okay” sometimes. Don’t tell them what they are wearing, eating, doing after school, etc. Let them have some say. Even if their decision is between peas and beans, or red shirt/blue shirt or soccer/ballroom dancing (good grief, no kid in their right mind will pick ballroom dancing), give them a limited choice.

AUTONOMY: look it up. I never had it. So I became a Smartass. Which is not the worst thing in the world. But the lack of autonomy really sucked.

Comment on Door knobs by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:19:52 +0000

What’s the problem? Nobody has an opinion on doorknobs? What’s wrong with all of you? It’s either a knob or a lever. How about some thoughts? Bueller??

Comment on Mouth Noises by The Smartass

The Smartass — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:17:18 +0000

Well, laziness doesn’t enter into the Smartass process. Just relax and let your inner Smartass emerge. It’s easy; just takes a little practice (get over the need to have everyone love you).

Once you have started to get on the Smartass track, it will just come naturally.