Many people ask me, “Why do you sleep so late?” The answer is “Because I can, and I want to.” I would like to figure out how to screen calls silently and without having to wake up and make a decision. Maybe callers should be forced to rate the importance of their calls on a scale of 1-10, and the callee can choose the level at which the phone will actually ring and wake them.

Example: I think the only thing important enough to wake me up for is hemorrhaging / appendage ripped off / heart attack and in need of a ride to the hospital. Any of those things would earn a 10. You can wake me up for that. If someone has died, though, let me sleep. They’ll still be dead in the morning.

Don’t you just love/hate relationship advice? If you don’t like it, ignore it. If you do, ask me for advice. I’ve got opinions on just about everything. Email me and I’ll post any appropriate questions, along with my answers (which may or may not not be appropriate). The Smartass (at) AsktheSmartass (dot com). Or just add a comment right here.

I never realized how married couples bicker, and right out there in public, until I was separated and started eavesdropping. Whoa! It was all so unpleasant to hear, and yet so . . . familiar.

So if you happen to be bickering in a restaurant and notice that all the people seated around you are quiet, THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE LISTENING TO YOU!