Didn’t your mother teach you to eat with your mouth shut? That’s what mine taught me. But there are some people who are otherwise civilized, yet they don’t seem to be able to eat without smacking their lips, making sucking sounds, and making me want to go after them with a butter knife.

I believe this is a hereditary intolerance. One of my children has it, too.

From Jack in Ohio: What’s your opinion on door knobs? What color should they be?

Well, Jack, I prefer levers. And they must never be brass. I have brushed nickel levers, myself.

The only thing about levers is that you can’t temporarily attach a dog to it (at least without impaling him). The leash handle slides right off. And cats can figure out how to open a lever by jumping up, grabbing it and hanging from it. I’ve seen it done.

But the nice thing is that I can open a door into a room with my elbow, if my hands are full. Coming out of a room isn’t quite so easy, but still better than with a door knob.